One of the biggest misconceptions about suicide is that every person who is struggling wants to die.
Many don’t. Instead, they want the pain to stop. As a therapist, I’ve sat with women who have whispered words they’ve never said aloud:
- “I’m just so tired.”
- “Everyone would be better off without me.”
- “I wish I could just disappear for a while.”
- “Sometimes I wish I could go to sleep and not wake up.”
These aren’t simply expressions of frustration. They can be signs of passive suicidal thoughts — not wanting to be alive without actively planning to end one’s life. They are more common than many people realize, and they deserve to be taken seriously.
SUICIDE DOES NOT ALWAYS BEGIN WITH A PLAN, BUT WITH HOPELESSNESS
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, thousands of women in the United States die by suicide each year, and millions experience serious thoughts of suicide. Women are more likely than men to experience suicidal thoughts and attempt suicide, making it critical that we recognize emotional pain before it becomes a crisis.
One of the most heartbreaking realities is that many women never tell anyone what they’re thinking because they fear being judged, hospitalized, or becoming a burden to the people they love. Instead, they convince themselves that these thoughts are just expressions of stress or exhaustion.
They are neither. They are a signal that support is needed.
SPOT THE SIGNS
Here are warning signs that deserve and demand immediate attention:
- Saying things like, “I don’t want to be here anymore,” or “Everyone would be better off without me.”
- Feeling trapped, hopeless or believing nothing will ever improve.
- Pulling away from family, friends or activities that once brought joy.
- A dramatic change in sleep, appetite or energy.
- Using alcohol or drugs to escape emotional pain.
- Giving away treasured belongings or putting affairs in order.
- A sudden sense of peace after a prolonged period of depression, which can sometimes signal that someone has decided to act.
If you recognize yourself in these words, please know this: Having suicidal thoughts does not mean you truly want your life to end. More often, it means you’ve been carrying emotional pain for too long without enough support.
Pain lies. Depression lies. Hopelessness lies. Healing, however, tells the truth: Feelings can change, treatment works and there are people who genuinely want to help.
IF YOU’RE STRUGGLING
- Tell someone exactly how you’re feeling. Don’t minimize it.
- Reach out to a licensed mental-health professional.
- Stay connected with someone you trust instead of isolating yourself.
- Remove yourself from anything you could use to hurt yourself if you don’t feel safe.
- If the thoughts become overwhelming, or you don’t trust yourself to stay safe; seek emergency help immediately.
If someone you love shares these thoughts with you, resist the urge to “fix” things or talk this person out of his or her feelings. Simply stay present. Listen without judgment. Let this loved one know he or she is not alone and help facilitate professional support.
If you or someone you know is experiencing emotional distress or thoughts of suicide, call or text 988, the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, any time day or night.
Compassionate counselors are available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. If there is an immediate risk of harm, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency department.
There is one final truth I want every woman reading this to remember: The opposite of suicide is not simply living; it’s hope, and hope often begins with one courageous sentence: “I need help.”