By Cheyenne Underwood
We’ve all heard the phrase, “It takes a village,” but no one really prepares you for what it feels like when you must build that village yourself.
When we moved to the Gulf Coast as a military family, I wasn’t just adjusting to a new house or a new city; I was stepping into a season where everything felt stretched. My husband’s job as a Hurricane Hunter can take him away with little notice. We have three kids in four different activities, and I was building a business while trying to be fully present at practice, pickup and bedtime. There were no grandparents down the road or aunt to call when I was running late and schedules overlapped.
You can be surrounded by people and still feel incredibly alone.
For a while, I carried that quietly. I told myself I just needed to manage it better, be more organized, be stronger and be less overwhelmed. The truth was I didn’t need to be stronger; I needed connection.
I told myself I just needed to manage it better, be more organized, be stronger and be less overwhelmed. The truth was I didn’t need to be stronger; I needed connection.
A SUPPORT NETWORK TAKES SHAPE
So, I started small. I lingered at pick-up a little longer. I said yes to the neighborhood text thread. I stopped pretending that I had it all handled and let people see the messy parts. I asked, “Can you grab my kid?” on nights when practices collided and my husband was gone. Instead of feeling weak, I began to feel supported.
We landed in a neighborhood where the kids run the streets like it’s another era — bikes scattered across driveways, bare feet in the grass and popsicles melting on sidewalks. When the sun starts to dip, the texts roll in asking, “Who has my kid?” Doors open without knocking. Someone always has an extra snack and knows where the missing shoe ended up.
It didn’t happen overnight. It happened because I chose to stay open even when I felt tired, to show up even when my calendar was full and to build relationships in the middle of the chaos.
CREATING CONNECTION, EMBRACING COMMUNITY
Our life is still full, and most nights, we aren’t home until after 9 p.m. The chaos hasn’t disappeared, but it feels different now because it’s shared. I’ve learned that being fully present with my children doesn’t mean doing everything alone. It means modeling community and letting them grow up in a place where people show up for one another.
Sometimes the village you’re looking for doesn’t already exist, sometimes you are the one who creates it.
Cheyenne Underwood is the photographer and creative director of Cheyenne Lenea Studios and The Studio Collective. Contact her at www.cheyennelenea.com