By Elizabeth Zimmerman
Co-parenting children has become the norm for many moms and dads in the United States. With nearly half of all marriages ending in divorce and increasing economic pressures requiring both parents to work outside the home, successful co-parenting can ensure that children whose parents are no longer together transition easily into new routines.
Communication is the key to being successful in your co-parenting endeavors. Talking to one another about day-to-day routines can ensure the best outcome for the child. Many parents use electronic calendars or communication platforms like Our Family Wizard to keep up with children’s schedules and events and enhance communication with the other parent.
Sharing a healthy co-parenting relationship requires moms and dads to be consistent in setting rules and expectations for themselves and their child. Parents should consider establishing guidelines for parents and for children to follow at both homes. Kids’ rules can be as simple as bedtimes, screen time and chores. Additionally, parents’ rules may consist of no fighting in front of children, designation of drop-off times/locations and which forms of discipline are acceptable. Parents must always remember that the objective is to present the child with a good experience.
Positive parenting requires, clear boundaries, flexibility and a commitment to working together, communicating consistently without hostility or anger and respecting the other parent’s time with the child. Many parents make a written parenting plan to keep everyone abreast of the responsibilities and expectations of their role. By using such a plan, children will learn that parents can work in unison to ensure that communication mishaps are few, reassuring the child that he or she will have consistent, caring parenting.
Children’s schedules often are difficult to manage. Parents should make every effort to regulate their child’s routine by keeping school events, sports, dance and other activities as they were before their parents’ relationship ended. From time to time, either parent may need to ask a “favor” of the other to ensure these commitments are honored.
Collaboration between parents is vital, and inclusion of the children in some matters may be necessary. As the child ages, his or her input can be used to formulate a new parenting plan. With great communication and a considerable amount of patience and work, co-parenting can ensure children have good mental health and a sense of security.
Elizabeth Zimmerman is a licensed clinical social worker in private practice in Gulfport. Reach her at Mindful Matters Outpatient Mental Health Clinic at (228) 284-4651.