Somewhere between being a good daughter, a supportive partner, a devoted mother, a high performer at work and a “together” woman in public, many women quietly lose themselves. We learn early that love is something we earn by being useful, attractive, agreeable or accomplished. What we are rarely taught is how to love ourselves without conditions.
MORE THAN A FEEL-GOOD TREND
Self-love is not a bubble bath or a cute quote on Instagram. It is the quiet, often uncomfortable practice of choosing yourself even when no one is clapping. For many women, especially those raised to be caretakers, peacemakers or perfectionists, loving ourselves can feel selfish or indulgent. We have been praised for giving until we are empty, for staying small and for putting everyone else first. Over time, that story becomes so loud that we forget we are worthy simply because we exist.
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE DISCONNECT FROM OURSELVES
The truth is that when women do not feel connected to themselves, it shows up everywhere. We tolerate relationships that do not nourish us. We stay in jobs that drain us. We silence our needs and then wonder why we feel exhausted, resentful or invisible. Self-love is not about becoming arrogant. It is about becoming anchored.
THREE WAYS TO REIGNITE SELF-LOVE
So how do you begin to reignite self-love when it feels distant?
1. Get honest about how you talk to yourself
Your inner voice is either building you up or tearing you down. Pay attention to the tone you use when you make a mistake, when you look in the mirror or when you feel overwhelmed. Would you speak to a close friend that way? If not, it is time to soften your inner dialogue.
2. Set one boundary that protects your energy
That might be saying no without over explaining, leaving a conversation that feels disrespectful or taking a break from something that no longer serves you. Boundaries are one of the highest forms of self-love because they teach others how to treat you and teach you that your needs matter.
3. Make space for what brings you joy
Not productivity, not obligation, but joy. Whether it is reading, walking, painting, resting or laughing with someone who sees you, those moments remind you who you are beyond your roles.
Self-love is not a destination; it is a daily decision. And every time you choose yourself, even in small ways, you are writing a new story about your worth.