By Paula Broome
Are you still watching for the white van and regurgitating the “stranger danger” talk with which generations of children were indoctrinated?
For many of us, this type of vigilance seemingly worked to keep us safe. But today, the greatest risk to your child is not the “white van” or a “stranger.” The expansive world of technology, social media, artificial intelligence, apps and pornography has changed the landscape forever and requires a reimagining of how parents can best protect their children. This does not mean abandoning all the old methods. It simply means doubling down and broadening our own perspective while educating our children.
OPEN COMMUNICATION
Talks about body safety, body parts and inappropriate affection or intimacy typically are uncomfortable for adults and cringe-worthy for children. However, maintaining open, calm and judgment-free communication is critical. Children are more likely to speak up when they know they will be believed, supported and protected. These talks should not be one-time discussions, but regular check-ins that reinforce a child’s right to personal boundaries and the understanding that they can always talk to a trusted adult.
The basics are simple, but they may be a departure from what we have known. For example, avoid cutesy or pet names for body parts; children can handle anatomically correct terminology. Good touch/bad touch language has left the building and been replaced with a focus on whether a touch is safe or unsafe, appropriate or inappropriate. This approach acknowledges that abuse can occur even when a touch does not feel painful or “bad,” and it helps reduce a child’s fear of getting in trouble for disclosing.
REDEFINING AND RECOGNIZING THE THREAT
A child predator is more likely to be someone the child already knows — a relative, family friend, classmate or trusted professional. We also cannot exclude the “online friend” who children may think they know. While this person may be a stranger to you, your child does not see it that way.
The danger is much closer than we want to believe, which requires heightened awareness. Acts that may seem innocuous in isolation may be a master class in grooming. The normalization of touching — hugging, tickling, wrestling or sitting on the lap — can merely be a step in the process. Gift-giving, complements, sexual innuendos or sexually explicit conversations, coupled with talk of keeping secrets and avoiding trouble or embarrassment, are all parts of the twisted game perpetrators play.
TECHNOLOGICAL VIGILANCE
Technological vigilance and affording your child trust and privacy are not mutually exclusive. Education is key for both parents and children. Seek out the abundance of online resources and tools available: Netsmartz, Common Sense Media, Culture Reframed, DHS Know2Protect Campaign, THORN for Parents and others.
Predators are online and have unlimited access to your children. The “white van” has gone digital. The “stranger” is the “friend” behind the screen. The threats have changed, and so must our reality.
Paula Broome is director of training for Children’s Advocacy Centers of Mississippi. Connect with CACM and learn more at www.childadvocacyms.org.