Knowing her time was short, Rachel Yarborough and her family lived life to the fullest.
Every night that Rachel felt well enough, they ate dinner together. They watched movies and had home dance parties. They visited Kauai, Hawaii, on a whim, took other family trips and treasured every moment of togetherness.
Although she spent much of 2021 sick or hospitalized, in the week before she lost her life to cancer on Sept. 12, Rachel had outings with each of her children. On the last day she was at home, she wrote them notes for their school lunches, which her husband, Gary, kept for them.
“We smiled more than we cried; cancer didn’t take that from us. I was honored for her to be my wife, for the life we have, and honored to have been able to care for her.”
“We smiled more than we cried; cancer didn’t take that from us,” he says. “I was honored for her to be my wife, for the life we have, and honored to have been able to care for her.”
Gary fell for Rachel in high school, developing a crush on the beautiful, smart and witty girl with an infectious smile. Despite her petite stature, according to Gary, she was mentally and physically “as tough as nails” and brightened every room she entered.
He asked her to marry him on his birthday, a present to himself, and the couple went on to welcome four children: Jude, 17; Brock, 8; Brooks, 6; and Beau Emy, 4.
It was when she was 33 weeks pregnant with Beau Emy that Rachel started having symptoms – which were later attributed to a tumor that had spread through her liver, close to her heart and into her lungs. She underwent intense chemotherapy for stage-four cancer, and in February of 2020, she developed high-grade pre-leukemia stemming from her treatment.
With Rachel frequently sick over the last few years, Gary moved his law practice to their Bay St. Louis home so he could manage all his roles more easily.
“It was particularly difficult after Rachel’s passing because she was truly my best friend,” he says, “and dealing with her loss, raising kids and juggling work was quite the adjustment to say the least.”
The hardest part was explaining to his young children, as best he could, that their mom was now in heaven and they could pray to her, but not see her. Difficult days can be triggered by the smallest things, like finding a random coffee cup or article of clothing, but overall, Gary says the family has coped beautifully with a tremendous loss.
“What has made me most hopeful is how well my kids seem to be doing,” Gary says. “They’re happy. They will talk about her. And although they are sometimes sad, they still smile and have good thoughts.”
Gary and his children spend a lot of time talking about Rachel and look through a lot of pictures. He often shares memories and anecdotes of things Rachel did, or times they all laughed together.
“My biggest pride is our four children, the love Rachel and I had for each other and how my children perceive that love. They could sense, feel and understand that great affection and connection we had, even today.”
“My biggest pride is our four children, the love Rachel and I had for each other and how my children perceive that love,” Gary says. “They could sense, feel and understand that great affection and connection we had, even today.”
Tears still may fall, but they’re tempered with plenty of giggles and silliness. As a single dad, Gary’s parenting role now encompasses home haircuts and planning birthday parties, as well as cooking, which he’s always enjoyed. He chose the bridesmaids’ dresses for his wedding to Rachel, so he’s confident he can help his girls pick out prom attire when the time comes.
Now, the biggest thing he’s working on is coming to terms with imperfection.
“It’s about accepting that the house may not be clean; entropy will always exist, particularly with little kids,” Gary says. “It’s letting myself realize that it’s ok sometimes to have a bad day and not be OK. And it’s accepting that it’s also OK to be happy. Rachel wanted me to be well and happy.”
Special occasions are especially difficult, including Rachel’s May 4 birthday and Father’s Day. Nonetheless, Gary is looking forward to spending it with his children, as Rachel’s hospitalization and treatment precluded celebrating with them over the last couple of years.
“My favorite thing to get from the kids are those drawings they make for me almost daily,” he says. “That and some hugs, smiles and ‘sugars’ — that’ll do.”