My mother always has loved children; she told me that one of her greatest desires was to be a mother. She and my dad struggled to conceive at first, and after many medical visits and tests, they learned nothing was wrong; it just wasn’t their time yet. Their prayers were answered, and they had me and my brother.
Momma always interacted with children wherever we were, and her face lit up at the sight of an infant or toddler. So, it was no surprise that after she retired, she started “keeping” children, including my best friend’s daughter. There were three or four other children that spent time at my parents’ home over the years, including Paige and Christian. Momma was babysitting Christian when she had her massive stroke, and he was 2 at the time that momma completed her recovery and rehabilitation.
When momma returned home, she and Christian looked out the window — waiting to get a glimpse of each other. Whenever momma left the house, she could barely get in the car because she was looking “up the hill” for him. Often in the afternoon or on the weekend, he’d be sitting on the porch yelling out to momma. Some days, I’d have to slow the car down so they could greet each other.
Eight years later, the two are still close. And instead of her taking care of him, he has assumed the role of caregiver for his dear Aunt Ruby, who no longer can walk unassisted and do many other daily living activities. Christian enjoys helping momma and has even recorded cellphone videos of their shenanigans.
Now a third grader, Christian has paid attention to the care we provide and is anxious to follow suit. When he comes to momma and daddy’s front door, the camera notifies me, and I watch daddy open the door to him. Once in the living room, Christian drops his bookbag and jacket, cleans off momma’s table, does his homework and shares what he is working on. He sometimes gives her a snack and encourages her to do physical therapy.
View this post on Instagram
Instead of prohibiting him from helping, we teach him how to safely engage. We make sure he knows her limitations and the things he should avoid. Because he is only 9, he doesn’t always take the necessary precautions, and we remind him how important it is to follow our directions. Sometimes, we must send him home to regroup.
We found it better, not easier, to let him participate in our care team. He has the heart and desire to be involved. Although he is very active and can be rough (he’s “all boy”), he is very loving and caring with momma.
We have, over the years, answered his questions about her health as honestly and appropriately as possible. We also encourage him to help with food preparation, household chores and some grooming. While daddy is more reluctant, momma is usually always ready to engage with Christian.
I’ve heard some express concerns about children being exposed to caregiving too soon. I believe it’s never too soon to teach compassion, concern and love for all.
I think because of the care momma and daddy gave, those children learned compassion — especially for the elderly.
IF YOU INVOLVE CHILDREN IN CAREGIVING, HERE ARE SOME TIPS:
- Answer their questions honestly and age appropriately.
- Let them safely help.
- Explain the importance of being cautious.
- Clearly explain what they can and cannot do.
- Make sure they understand the importance of treating the care recipient with dignity and respect.
- If the care recipient does not want the child to assist, respect that decision.
- Be sure to show compassion in caregiving to set a positive example.